Hello friends, I know it’s been a while.

The past few months I have been through some trials and tribulations, good and bad times, and trying to grow up like everyone else.

As many of you may know I moved to Florida in August to pursue a dream of leaving my hometown and seeing if I was capable of someone who could really “do it.” Someone who could try new things to get out of my comfort zone and live a life I would be proud of.

Florida is a lot different than West Virginia. I love them both so much, but in such different ways. — and as I am away WV will always be near to my heart.

I took a break from writing to you all because for the first time I didn’t know the right words to say.

I go back and fourth between struggling and restricting, accepting my body and hating it, loving my life and not knowing what I am doing with it.

I promised to not lie to you all on here, my body is still not one I am comfortable in. I took a few days in December and restricted heavily. - It was only for a few days, and I don’t know if it was because I wanted to go back to that dark place, or just prove to myself that I could.

I know it’s not my fault, but I can’t say that I am completely blameless.

Do any of you ever feel like it’s hard to look like you. As if I looked any different, any better, that my life would change. That if I could just lose some weight I would be wanted, loved, or cherished more. That I would be better because of it.

I guess some days it all just hurts still. I think that’s okay.

I haven’t restricted since, for I know my patterns and have 6 years of therapy to thank for knowing how to get myself out of them.

I hope you get help if you need it friends. I may live life never loving my body, I know I live everyday wishing it looked better, but I had the power and strength to eat again because of recovery. I am alive and okay because of it.

Just know I haven’t forgotten you all, that I haven’t forgotten all of this. I am back and won’t ever leave that long again!

Here if any of you need me, here if you don’t. - Praying everyday for all of your healing.

With Love,

Rach