Hello friends, it’s been a while! My life has been extremely busy recently with graduation, working, a new puppy, and all else that comes with everyday life, but I have been continuing to pray for you all and wherever you may be in your journeys. I pray for your nourishment, accomplishments, milestones, and for you all to live a life that is fulfilling.

Over the last few weeks I have been thinking a lot about what makes s fulfilling life. What creates air in your lungs, what you long for, and what you pray to God you never lose.

I think about what once was fulfilling to me, and how beautifully different it is now.

For about 6 years of my life the only thing that was fulfilling to me was how skinny I could look, how long I could go in between meals, and how controlling I could be over my appearance. Nothing mattered if I wasn’t in a size zero, and I had nothing left if I were to grow into a bigger size.

Anorexia was fulfilling. It needed me, it thrived off of a little girls lack of confidence. - and we grew to a mutual understanding of leaning on each other to survive.

God I would do anything to go back and hug the little girl that found comfort in crying in the mirror.

Fulfillment looks different to me now. Every little girls dreams of marriage, and kids, and a successful career, but I was never able to do this while I was anorexic. I was terrified of looking fat in my wedding dress, what carrying a child would mean if I couldn’t bring myself to eat, and not being able to be successful for the lack of energy I carried with me everyday.

Through recovery I get to look forward to the things little girls dream of. The things I wouldn’t let myself think of as I was growing up.

Fulfillment to me now means being around family, staying out all night with my friends, raising my dog, falling in and out of love, and working hard to earn what I know I am more than capable of.

Fulfillment to me now is the butterflies I get when thinking about all the life I get to live without restraining myself from nutrients anymore.

I get to wake up every single day. — and God that fulfills my soul more now than it ever did.

I pray you are striving to live the life you are all sop beautifully meant for. I hope for peace, recovery, and a life filled of love for each and every one of you.

I am so happy that you are here.

Love Always,

Rach